Heart breaking night
by yoong
Summary: Goku feel being abandoned. (Please ignore those many language mistakes ^^;;)


Heart breaking night

Uhhhh.. a little thing to be told first, English is my foreign language and this is my first fanfiction I've ever done in my life, so please forgive those words, grammar, idioms mistakes. I wrote 3 Saiyuki stories months ago, this is the first. 

Heart breaking night

It was a night at an inn where Sanzo's group lodged in today. They all were in a large single room with four single beds. It was too early to sleep because the time was just 7 pm. Sanzo sat on the first bed nearest to the door, reading newspapers with cigarette on his mouth and wearing glasses as usual. Next to him, Gojyo and Goku each sat on his own bed in the middle of the room, playing cards with noisy argument. Next to them, on the bed nearest to the window, Hakkai fed Jiipu sitting on his lap.

"Damn! You cheated me!" Goku yelled.

"What? You refused your defeat. What a stubborn loser?" Gojyo said provokingly.

"You lost so that's mine." Gojyo reached for a bun on Goku's bed.

"Get your hands off my food, you perverted kappa!" Goku shouted indignantly, shielding his bun from Gojyo's hand to reach.

"You gotta pay me anyway, not your food? Well, I'll get paid with your body." Gojyo grinned dangerously, stood up and got on Goku's bed held the boy down on the mattress. Goku struggled fiercely.

"Get off me! Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" Gojyo did something to pinioned Goku under his body.

"O-oh, let see how pretty he is." Gojyo let Goku go. He grinned, feeling satisfied with whiteboard pen in his right hand. Goku stood up immediately. There were circles drawn around his big eyes that looked like he wore glasses.

"Now, he's not a monkey any more, but a panda." Gojyo said lively.

"I'll kill you!" Goku yelled in fury.

"Oh, cum' on, monkey boy." Gojyo challenged.

Sanzo closed the newspapers. The monk closed his eyes, tightened his mouth as if he tried to keep his annoyed mind calm down. He took off his glasses.

"Shut the hell up. Dammit!"

"Ow!!" Goku cried as Sanzo whacked over his head with that paper fan.

"What'd you do that for?!" 

"Stupid monkey." Gojyo laughed at him.

"Sanzo, why'd you hit only me? It's not fair, you should hit Gojyo, too. He started all those things!" Goku protested indignantly, looking straight forward to Sanzo's face. Sanzo looked at him in silence. There were no feelings in his eyes, like he saw transparently to the emptiness, like there was no Goku's presence in front of him after all. A kind of stare that made Goku mad. He hated this gaze of Sanzo, he couldn't bear being gazed like that. Goku felt that he could hear a voice from that silence of Sanzo, 'I don't care you at all, you mean nothing to me.' He turned to Hakkai.

"Hakkai, you see Sanzo and Gojyo, they're…" He stopped soundlessly to see Hakkai looking still at his face for a while and then gulping a little laugh in his throat.

"Oh, sorry, but your face's…" Hakkai managed to say without laugh hardly.

Goku was stunned for a while and then murmured disappointedly, "Hakkai, even you…"

Goku felt somewhere in his heart, pique and anger rose higher nearly to the limit. 'How come they dare making fun of me?' He mused.

"Goku, you OK?" Hakkai wondered reaching his hand to Goku's cheek. Suddenly, to everyone's astonishment, Goku pushed Hakkai's hand away.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You all just fooled around me and I'm a stupid, so it's OK with me, no problem!" He exploded. "I'm OK, I can stand my stupidity, but you can't, right? So, let go anywhere you wouldn't see this provoking stupid!!"

There was silence a minute as everyone stared at him in surprise, and then-

"What was that? Fucking brat!" Gojyo growled.

Before a fight break, Sanzo grabbed Gojyo's shoulder.

"Don't be silly," he said. "It's no use to pick a fight with that mad monkey. Let him ease his madness first." He turned to Hakkai.

"Let's go somewhere else now, I can't stand watching his contorted face any longer."

They all went to the door, Hakkai glanced at Goku in a bit sorrow. To Goku's shock, the door was closed and he, now, was left alone in the room. After a moment, Goku rampaged throwing every thing his hands had found to the door-a bun, a blanket, a pillow.

"Damn you! You don't wanna see my face, well, I don't wanna see your face, either. Get out of my sight, all of you!"

He stopped, panted violently. He had a very bad headache and wanted to sleep now. Goku got into the bed. He was so tired that he fell asleep very quickly.

At a bar, Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai were having some drinks. Gojyo lit a cigarette and smoked restlessly. Hakkai seemed to hold a glass of whisky rather than drink it. He worried about Goku.

"What happened to Goku?" Hakkai murmured.

"Who know?" Sanzo sounded expressionlessly. "Who'll understand his fucking mind?"

"I know," Gojyo said irritably. "At least, he wanted someone to beat him. And I swore, I was gonna kick his ass if you didn't lead me out of the room." His red eyes turned on Sanzo as he asked the monk. "And then?"

"What?" Sanzo asked him in turn.

"What'll we do then?" Gojyo asked seriously. " You don't mean that we'll hang around the town all the night and let that monkey sleep in comfort, do you? Listen, I'll go back to my bed and kick him out of the room…"

"You won't do that," Hakkai protested. "I don't understand what in Goku's mind, but one thing I'm sure is that we did hurt him somehow. Anyway, I agree that we shouldn't leave him alone. Mhmm…"

Gojyo looked at hard thinking Hakkai and then turned to stared at Sanzo who seemed to think nothing. He said grinning, "Hakkai should have been Goku's parent rather than you."

"He's too soft," Sanzo frowned. "It's nonsense thinking of how to treat that monkey. Just hit him and the rest will be OK."

"Oh," Hakkai put his right fist on his left palm. "Goku didn't have dinner yet, did he? He gotta be very hungry now. So, let's go to the market and buy some foods for him." He smiled cheerfully at Sanzo, "Here we go?"

Sanzo took a long sigh, then stood up. "Do whatever you want, and hurry, I want my sleep."

"Yes, sir." Hakkai smiled. They left the bar and went to the market.

At an inn, Goku slept uncomfortably with sweat all over his body. The boy was in a nightmare, shaking his head helplessly.

It was dark everywhere and he stood alone in the darkness. It felt bad, he felt bad somehow. He was sick of that quiet darkness. It was intolerable distress. Then, a golden light came into his sight. In a far distance where the light came off, there were someones standing. Goku couldn't see their appearances clearly because the light was too brilliant. However, he felt that he knew them and missed them so much. Goku started running towards them, 'Wait for me,' he shouted. Suddenly, he fell to the ground and when he raised his head again, there was nobody and the light was gone. There was an empty sky outside the five stone bars. Goku saw his wrists were chained as well as his ankles. 'I returned to this jail, again.' Goku thought in panic.

"NOOOO!!" He yelled in outrage and was suddenly startled from the nightmare. He sat up, panted with sweat soaking all over his shaking body.

"It's OK," he murmured. "That's only a dream."

"Sanzo?" Goku looked around the room. There was nobody except himself, only. "Gojyo…Hakkai" Goku yelled but there was no reply, only the silence. Goku was in panic. Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai had left him behind. Now, he was alone and would never see them again? A feel of cold isolation covered his heart as he found himself could not bear this grief. Goku started to cry. Tears ran down his cheeks as he choked with sobs.

"San-Sanzo, Gojyo, Hakkai…where are you?" Goku yelled desperately. "You can't leave me alone, you can't!"

"ARGHHHH!!!" Goku cried in unbearable distress. His voice echoed.

Then, the door was opened immediately.

"Goku! What's the matter?!" Hakkai asked as he and Gojyo rushed into the room. Hakkai held Goku's shaking shoulders, surprised to see his wry face bathed in tears. "Why're you crying?"

Goku gulped, "Hakkai-Gojyo, you returned, you didn't leave me…"

"Who leave you, monkey?" Gojyo said irritably. "You're the one driving us out, and now blame that we left you, huh? Hey, what'll you do with him, Sanzo?" Gojyo turned his eyes to the door. Sanzo came in with his frowning face. Goku ran to him.

"SANZO!"

"Ow!!" Sanzo hit Goku over the head with his paper fan.

"Don't make my robes stained with your tears, you stupid monkey!" Sanzo said in a low hard voice.

Goku looked into Sanzo's eyes, no feelings, a cold still gaze that seemed to look transparently through him, like ever, but the ache at his head where Sanzo had hit made him realize-'How could he hit me or yell at me if he didn't see me?' Goku thought happily.

"OK, I don't cry, I won't cry any more." Goku wiped tears away from his face and then jumped into Sanzo, hugged him tightly.

"Eventually, it ends like ever." Gojyo said.

"Isn't that good?" Hakkai smiled. "Well, Goku doesn't need any foods, I guess, he's full now." He picked up two apples from the grocery bag, threw one to Gojyo and bit another in his hand.

"He's killing me with his bear-hug." Sanzo took a breath in hardly.

Goku felt warm, happy and unworried. Well, he might forget someones who were very precious to him, but, now, he had Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai with him and that was enough

yoong'


End file.
